8.04.2002 :::
 
I honestly cannot understand why my life is like this. Why is it so difficult for women to consider me as a potential mate? Having a girl complain of the lack of "datable guys" in her life to my face is a very unique pain. This would be tolerable if it were one or a few of my female friends, but nearly every one has said something to this effect. A dear friend of mine in Canada is perhaps the only girl I've known to feel otherwise about me, but such feelings are futile over so many miles. Her words, while kindly meant and gladly received, have only added to my pain. "Peter...it's unbelievable...I don't understand why you dont have someone....you're goodlooking, intelligent, romantic..." Those words meant so much to me, telling me I am desirable and worthwhile, but somehow the women I know in the flesh are incapable of seeing this. What is it that makes me so undesirable in the flesh? What must I do to measure up in their eyes? All I ever wanted was to have someone to call my own. Someone I could love openly and would love me in return. Someone to protect and nurture. Someone to be there for. Gladly would I give all I am, but it isn't good enough. I'm not good enough.

::: posted by Peter at 22:07