11.23.2002 :::
 
I haven't received a response to the letter I sent Dana a week ago, nor am I really expecting one. I wrote it to close the matter in my mind, and her response, while certainly welcome, isn't necessary. Joe insists I also write a letter to Susie, but I see no point to it. I learned recently she was directly involved in Dana's turnabout from Conlin, her prom date and ex-quasi-boyfriend. I suppose I could be quite angry with her for ruining what was so precious to me, but it would serve no purpose. I can't change the past.

I can learn from it, however. I now know God was involved in the matter with Dana, and I was hearing Him correctly. He gave me favor, and I did my part. However, simply because God is behind something does not guarantee its success. There is always the element of human choice. I chose to follow my heart, but Dana did not. Thus, even though God was helping me, that hope still failed. In a way, I find this comforting. Before I learned the motives behind Dana's seeming deception, I thought either I hadn't heard God correctly or I had somehow failed. Now I know neither is true. God was indeed with me and I carried out my role, but Dana's choice was the crux of the movement, and she chose against me.

All this brings to light what Steve told me: the future can't be known. Prophecy can be made, but human choice can still break it. Humans are very predictable, and God's infinite knowledge of the workings of our mind gives Him untold ability to anticipate our actions. However, at the moment of decision, God has no power save influence. He can plead and entice us, but the final decision is ours alone. It is the essence of free will. God can't limit it or He would be acting against His nature. This is both comforting and alarming. Comforting because it means we aren't puppets predestined to live a specific life, but alarming because even God can't control all things. No, He can, but He chooses otherwise.

What remains now is for me to bring myself to the point where I again can hear and trust Him as I did with Dana.

::: posted by Peter at 20:32