3.15.2003 :::
 
Talk about weird.

Thursday night, I went down to the Mercury Cafe with Amy. The dance was free, on account of Dan and Tiff's victory at the regional lindy hop competition. At the dance, I noticed a cute girl and decided I wanted to dance with her. It took me a good two hours to work up the courage to ask her. She was very amiable and accepted, but I'm afraid I only made a fool of myself. My energy level was well beyond its peak, and I'm afraid my lack of knowledge concerning intricate dance moves bored my follow. She graciously thanked me for the dance afterward, but suffice to say, it didn't go as well as I had hoped. I wasn't looking to get her number or anything, but I at least wanted to give her a fun dance.

This event was a milestone for me, though. Never before had I asked a cute stranger to dance. I have danced with a few in the past, but they were always the initiators. This time was different, and the experience left me emotionally charged: a perfect set-up for the next event.

Amy insisted I return to her house to watch Salt Lake City Punk with her. I agreed, and we rented it. The movie was very good and the acting superb. However, the ending ignited the emotional powder keg in my heart, leaving me very emo as I left Amy's. I cried on the drive home, listening to February Stars by the Foo Fighters and whispering incoherent prayers. Among them, though, was one consistent thought: I miss Melissa.

When I arrived home, I was weary from the dance, wrapped in loneliness, and ready to retire. Before bed, I decided to check my e-mail on a whim. Only one message in my inbox, but the sender's address froze me mid-thought: it was from Melissa. She was writing from Sao Paulo, telling of how she was coming straight home instead of returning to Germany with her team. She didn't have time to explain why, though, so I'm very curious about the cause of this unexpected decision. Regardless, it will be absolutely wonderful to see her again.

My heart is completely unaccustomed to things like this happening, though. Always before, there was no good news to shatter my chrysalis of solitude and pain. I honestly didn't know how to react when I read her e-mail. I just stammered a few more incoherent things to God and went to bed. The true joy and excitement didn't hit me until this morning. God is good.



::: posted by Peter at 01:33

3.10.2003 :::
 
My dearest Melyanna,
How are you tonight? Are you weary? Are you laden with sorrow? Do you long for my voice as I long for yours? Are you tasting the sweet breath of spring, gazing at the timid starlight, wishing to share this moment with me? Do your eyes search the faces of strangers, hoping to see in their indifferent gazes a glimpse of the faceless man haunting your dreams? Are you nothing more than an illusion conjured by a lonely boy to ease the pain in his heart?

I know the trials I face hold the power to make me stronger and truer, a man more worthy to stand by your side. Gladly would I overcome them all, no matter the hardship, if only I was certain you wait for me on the other side. What good are these scars on my spirit if I do not receive them fighting for you? Merely becoming a better person is not enough. I want to become a better person for you. I want to win these battles for you. If you are nothing but a phantom, why should I strive against this malevolence?

Alas, my love, I fear I will never know you in time. I fear I will never be the man you deserve, and you will pass me by. Please, give me time. I am only a broken wretch of a man. I'm sorry all I have to offer you is me.

Forever Yours,
Peter

::: posted by Peter at 23:02